James and Radin
by Noxnow
Summary: We all know James has always chased Lily, but maybe she wanted James too.
1. Chapter 1

**January 20****th****  
9 am**

_I, Lily Evans, have officially given up on James Potter. _

I punctuated my sentence with a sharp stab and contemplated what I had written. Was I really giving up on him, or was this just another one of my pathetic attempts to convince myself that it was never going to happen? I was leaning towards the latter until my very rude brain interrupted me.

_Give up on him already! It's not going to happen! Get over it. Merlin, it's not like he's noticed your subtle hints all these years._

Oh shut up, brain.

_No! I most certainly will not! Think about it! All those times you looked back after storming away from his advances, did he ever look back at you? No. He doesn't like you. If he did, he'd obviously know by now that you hate causing a scene. Honestly. _

Oh shut up.

_You're only upset because you know I'm right._

Sometimes I hated my brain. Why did it have to be so convincing? I mean, it obviously came in handy when I wanted to convince Slughorn to move the potions assignment to another day. And it seemed it had certainly convinced James all these years that I hated him. Stupid brain. Stupid, heartless brain. It always had to kick in when it was least wanted. Why couldn't I just be _normal_ for a moment and let James know that I thought he was yummy scrumboes? Oh God, did I really just think that? Please let that never come out of my mouth. Ever. I'd rather go snog Nearly Headless Nick than let anyone hear me say that I thought James Potter was yummy scrumboes. Shit, I thought it again. One of these times it was bound to come out of my mouth. And that would definitely not be good.

I turned back to my journal and reread what I had written. Yes. I would stick to it. I, Lily Evans, would give up on James Potter.

…

Oh who am I kidding? The bloke is bloody gorgeous!! And sweet, and kind, and smart, and loyal, and… For the love of Merlin! I really needed to stop thinking all of this. It was _not_ helping my cause!

Just then, the source of my internal insanity strolled up to me in the corridor. And _stopped_!

"Hey Evans" he said in that deliciously scrumptious voice of his. I replayed his phrase in my head, taking in the sexiness of his voice.

_Oh God that was sexy. Just strolling on up to me and saying "Hey Evans" all casual-like. Oh it was fab. Fab, fab, fab, fab… wait. "Hey Evans"? Bollocks!_

"Er, hi Potter" I managed to get out.

Oh fab. "Er, hi Potter". Yea, that was just the picture of a composed, sane woman talking to the most amazing man on the planet. Here I was just standing there looking at him whilst he waited for a response and all I could manage was "Er, hi Potter". Fab, that was just fab.

"Off to charms?" he asked.

"Um, yea. You?" Oh good, that was an acceptable response at least.

James consulted his schedule. "Yea, charms for me too. I suppose we had better be going now. Professor will kill us if we're late."

"Oh, er, yea I suppose. Well, see you there!" I said as I sped off in what I thought was the right direction. Unfortunately I was wrong.

"Er, Evans? Where are you going? Charms is that way" he said, pointing in the complete opposite direction as the one I was going.

Oh bloody hell. He must think I'm a complete idiot. "Uh, I'm off to the loo. Lots of tea at breakfast. A girl's gotta go!" and I rushed off. What was I _thinking_?? 'A girl's gotta go'?? James had probably thought I was completely mental. Wonderful. Not even first period and I had already made a complete idiot out of myself.

After taking the scenic route and slipping into charms in the nick of time, I avoided looking at James at all costs. I was already a bright pink as it was. I didn't need to turn scarlet before noon. No, that could wait.

I made it through charms without incident and practically ran out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. Thank Merlin I had a free period next.

As I made my way back to the Gryffindor common room, I ran into a certain someone who turned my happy mood right back on its arse. James Potter, the source of my humiliation not one hour ago was standing there with his friends. The Marauders.

"Hey Evans"

"Oh, er, hi Potter. Didn't see you there. Sorry" I said as I attempted to maneuver around the group blocking my pathway to salvation.

"Yea, you seemed in a right hurry. Anything bothering you, Evans?"

_Only that I made a complete idiot out of myself right in front of you this morning_, I thought. But instead I said "No. Now out of my way Potter".

_Oh brilliant. Way to show him you care Lily._ I am such a complete moron sometimes. Nevertheless, James and his group vacated their spot on the stairway and allowed me passage. I couldn't face him or his friends after that and so I practically ran up the stairs.

I reached the Fat Lady and muttered the password quickly, threw myself through the portrait hole and ran up to my dorm. It wasn't until I threw myself onto my four-poster that I noticed Marlene McKinnon was already there.

Marlene was one of my best mates. She was kind, pretty and played quidditch. I was always jealous about that in particular. She got to be around James so much more, him being the captain and all. But then again, knowing me I'd probably fall off my broom so much I'd be kicked off the team. Anywho, back to the situation at hand.

"Hey Lily, rough morning?"

"You don't know the half of it. I promised myself I would give up on James and then I ran into him before charms and made a complete idiot out of myself and said something about 'lots of tea' and 'a girl's gotta go' and ran off to the loo and then I ran into him _after_ charms and made an idiot out of myself and here I am" I concluded.

Marlene gave me one of those looks. The ones that had a mixture of sympathy and exasperation. The ones that tell me she's about to be all motherly.

"Now I highly doubt that's exactly what happened. Come on, what really happened?"

"That's it. That's exactly it. I made a complete arse out of myself twice in one hour. Fab, aren't I?" I responded.

Marlene decided to drop it, knowing I was in one of my moods and instead pulled out a chocolate frog and tossed it to me. I unwrapped the chocolate and took a big bite out of it before it could start hopping. Hopping chocolate, honestly. Chocolate is supposed to make you feel better, not run away from you. If I ever got hold of whoever decided to invent chocolate that hopped away from you, I could just… Oh never mind.

"Thanks" I muttered around my mouthful of chocolate.

"No problem," said Marlene. "I know to just toss you chocolate when you start talking about James. Though I really don't see why you don't just tell him –"

"Marlene. This is James we're talking about. I can't just walk up to him in the hallway and go 'Oi! Potter! I fancy you. Want to go to Hogsmeade with me?' Honestly Marlene". That girl just did not get it when it came to James. Telling him I fancy him. What a completely stupid idea. Really.


	2. Chapter 2

**Later**

I decided to take my journal with me to lunch as it would give me a wonderful excuse not to look around at James. As I walked into the Great Hall, I made my way quickly to my usual seat, filled my plate, opened my journal and started doodling. What could I write? Obviously I couldn't write about James because if anyone ever found this I'd simply die of embarrassment. I shuddered at the thought. Then, I remembered Marlene telling me once that writing lists was one of the best ways to get your creative juices flowing. Yes, that's honestly what she said. 'Get your creative juices flowing'. That girl is pure nuts sometimes. I peered back down at my journal and decided to take her advice. Now I simply had to come up with a topic for a list. As I thought I looked out one of the windows and saw Hagrid down at his hut with Fang. Aha! I would write a list of my top ten favourite animals. Magical and non-magical. Here it is:

_Lily Evans' Top Ten Magical and Non-Magical Animals_

_Dog (how adorable are they with the ears and the eyes and the tail wagging???)_

_Tiger (simply gorgeous)_

_Deer (they're just so majestic and graceful, they seem to dance rather than run)_

_Niffler (they're close to a dog and plus, they find valuable things. AND they're so adorable with their long noses!!)_

_Owl (dead useful and so pretty)_

_Fish (I don't know why… so don't ask)_

_Elephant (they still manage to be gorgeous despite their massivity. Yes, massivity. Shut up)_

_Kangaroo (they're so gentle looking yet very powerful. Wish I was like that)_

_Kappa (how pretty are they?? I saw them in The Monster Book of Monsters (vicious book, by the way) and I don't know, something about them…)_

_Bird (I'd love to fly like them, free and everything. I'm dead useless on a broom though)_

I read my list over again and gave it a satisfied look. Too absorbed in admiring my new entry, I failed to notice the bench groan slightly as somebody sat down beside me.

"Whatcha got there, Evans?"

I jumped and jerked my head up to see James Potter and his band of followers attempting to catch a glimpse of my journal. I quickly snapped it shut and stood up.

"None of your business, Potter" I said as I grabbed the last of my sandwich and walked out of the entrance hall. I glared at my journal. Why did it have to go and ruin everything?? If it wasn't for my stupid journal, I might've had an enjoyable conversation with James Potter. _But_ if it hadn't been for my journal, James probably would never have come over to talk to me. I love my journal!! Wait, is it possible to love and hate something at the same time? Oh God, I don't know. I walked up to my dorm, grabbed my books, and headed off to transfiguration. I decided to take my journal to class with me, just in case I got bored or finished early.

**Later still**

Oh thank Merlin I brought my journal. The lesson was a complete review and I was nearly bored out of my mind. I pulled my journal out of my bag and decided to make another list. I cast a glance around the room searching for a topic and my gaze landed on James Potter. Fantastic.

_Top Ten Things Lily Evans __Likes__ Loves About the Man Four Seats to Her Right_

_His hair (it always seems to fall perfectly in his face. You know, framing it and all. Bloody gorgeous)_

_His eyes (they're just so bloody pretty!! And they make you want to just melt. Right there. Crap, he's looking at me!)_

_His smile (it just pops up unexpected. And it seems to light up his whole face. And the room. Again with the melting.)_

_His brains (you'd tend to think he's not that bright given his er, record. But really he's quite brilliant.)_

_His kindness (you'd think with all the messing around he'd be just an arrogant prick, but he's not fooling me. I've seen him help first years find their way and whatnot)_

_His loyalty (he's really quite the amazing bloke. Very dedicated to his friends. Wish I was one of them. Gah)_

_His sense of humour (he's really quite hilarious. I mean, REALLY really hilarious. I laughed so hard I had to run out of the room once)_

_His laugh (he laughes quite a lot. It's as if he hasn't a care in the world. And with the laugh comes the smile and … cue melting)_

_His dedication (he's very dedicated. When he starts something, he finishes it. Except with me, unfortunately. I mean, it's obvious why he lost interest. It's me after all)_

_His body (oh you know it had to be on here somewhere. Look at him! He's bloody gorgeous!! All muscley and toned and delish… cue melting)_

I looked at my list and then back at Potter. The very moment he decided to chuck a ball of paper at my head. It hit me in the nose. Fab, I look like the world's biggest loser. Nevertheless, I uncrumpled it and read it.

**What are you up to, Evans? You can't still be working on this rubbish. It's all review!**

I scribbled a response and watched as another one appeared in front of me.

None of your business. 

**Sure about that?**

Oh bloody hell, he'd seen it! He'd seen my list! Shit shit shit shit shit. Wait, there's no way he could've seen it. He's four desks away.

Yes I'm sure. Now what do you want?

**Oh nothing. Just thought you'd be as bored as I am right now.**

If you're bored, why don't you send funny little notes about whatever girl you pulled last night to your mates, the Marauders?

**Ouch, that one hurt. Someone's a little touchy today.**

Oh shut up. 

**Fine.**

Brilliant. I had just been horrible to him. I felt bad, but it's not as if I could write a new note, chuck it at _his_ head and apologize profusely. No, that would just look stupid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Much later**

Lessons were finally over. Thank Merlin. All in all, quite a horrible day. Though, dinner had been quite enjoyable. I had written another list in my journal.

_Lily Evans' Top Ten Things a Bloke Can Do_

_Give genuine compliments (ever girl loves compliments. Admit it)_

_Be a gentleman (open doors, carry books, whatever. Whoever said chivalry is dead is quite thick. And completely unromantic)_

_Sing (my God that's sexy. A bloke that sings. Cue melting)_

_Stick up for his girlfriend (however much a girl complains, she still loves it that her boyfriend wants to stick up for her)_

_Get just a little jealous (hot hot hot. Really. It shows he really loves you)_

_Spoil his girlfriend just a little (it shows he really appreciates her. And every girl loves being spoiled just a little)_

_Be a touch spontaneous (a little adventure is great. Not to the point that you never know where he's going to take you, but you know what I mean)_

_Be romantic (his buddies may josh him for it, but his girlfriend will definitely make up for it)_

_Be there for his girlfriend (every girl loves a bloke who's there when she needs him. Even if he has to sit through a sob session. A good bloke would do it)_

_Be James Potter (self-explanatory)_

All in all, a rather good list. I rummaged in my rucksack to pull out my journal to do a bit of doodling but I couldn't find it. Oh shit. WHERE WAS IT??? I dumped the contents of my bag on my bed and searched through the pile of broken quills, ink bottles, spellbooks and notebooks but it was nowhere. NOWHERE. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Shitty shit shit. Maybe I'd left it in the Great Hall!

I ran out of my dorm, into the common room, threw open the portrait hole and flew down the stairs to the Great Hall. I ran through the massive double doors and threw a quick glance around the empty hall. No journal. Shit. Shitty shit shit. I ran over to Gryffindor table and ran up and down it's length, looking under the benches and the table but still no journal.

_No need to panic, Lily. It's around here somewhere. Marlene probably saw it laying around, picked it up and is up in the common room looking to give it to you._

Right, that was probably what happened. I rushed back up the stairs, threw the password at the Fat Lady and ran up to my dorm.

"Marlene!" I panted.

"Er, yea?"

"You have my journal right? I'm here now, you can return it. Thanks so much for grabbing it when I left it behind." I said, extending my hand for my journal.

"Um, Lily? I don't have your journal."

"What?" I said, turning pale.

"I don't have journal?" replied Marlene, looking up at me with a frightened look on her face.

"You… don't… have it?" I struggled to grasp what she was saying.

"No, I don't. But… one of the house elves probably picked it up when they were cleaning the Great Hall. It'll be on your night table by morning" she said quickly.

"Oh. Yea. Probably… Yeah, you're right. One of the house elves picked it up. They're so considerate. No need to worry then. Right, thanks!" I replied, relieved.

"No problem," she said. "But I'm going down to the library now, so I'll catch you later?"

"Er, yea. No problem. I'll just play my guitar or something to get my mind off of it. See you" I muttered distractedly, looking around my now cluttered room for my guitar. I heard the door close behind Marlene as she left. I fished my guitar out from under my bed, tuned it, and began to play.

I must've been in an odd mood that night. I kept playing random songs that all had something to do with relationships. Oh boo. I wish James would get out of my head. I sung the last few bars of Hey Jude and transitioned smoothly into I'd Rather Be With You. I love Joshua Radin. He writes such beautiful songs. I loved the finger picking pattern and the soft lyrics.

_Sitting here on this lonely dock,  
Watch the rain play off the ocean top.  
All the things I feel I need to say,  
I can't explain in any other way._

I launched into the chorus.

_I need to be bold,  
Need to jump in the cold water  
To grow older with a boy like you.  
Finally see you were naturally the one to make it so easy when you showed me the truth.  
Yea, I'd rather be with you,  
Say you want the same thing too._

As I strummed the instrumental break I thought about James. If he wasn't so bloody confusing and perfect all the time I probably wouldn't be singing this song right now. I mean honestly. If he just fancied me too. I looked up as I started into the second verse and stopped dead mid-song. Bloody hell.


	4. Chapter 4

I jumped to my feet. What, in the name of Merlin's baggiest y-fronts was _James Potter_ doing at my dormitory door?? _Why _was God punishing me so? I hadn't done anything to deserve this!! James Potter had probably heard me singing! Oh shit. He'd probably heard me singing that sappy song. Crap. Wait! Maybe he'd just arrived. Yea. Probably.

I stood there staring dumbstruck at James. He gave me a small smile.

"I didn't know you played guitar."

Oh crap. "Er, yea. I do. Not very well though. It's just a little hobby…" I muttered.

"I thought you played really well. And your singing was really really good" he said, smiling.

Oh bollocks. He'd been there long enough to hear me singing. Why was I being punished??

"Well, thanks, I guess" I muttered, looking at the floor.

"Well, I just came to give you this."

I looked up. My evening had just gotten about a million times worse. He was holding my journal.

"Where did you find this??" I nearly screeched.

"It was just lying open at the Gryffindor table after dinner. I checked the front and saw it was yours, so I thought I should bring it up here" he said, blushing.

_Open? _Did he say _open???_ My stomach turned over as I remembered the list I'd just made at dinner. The one that said that one of the top ten things a bloke could do was "be James Potter". Oh shit shit shit shit shit. Why was this happening to me?

"You didn't read it, did you?" I demanded. No doubt about it, he was definitely blushing scarlet now.

"Er, well, not purposely. I mean… it was just sitting there, open and everything…" he trailed off, staring at the ground.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. "How much did you read?"

"Well, just the one list at first. Then, well… then I was curious as to whose journal it was because, well… you know. So I read the bits before and I found out it was yours and I felt really bad and… well… have you really given up on me Lily?"

He sounded so… timid. I looked up at him, feeling myself get red as our eyes met.

"Er…I-I, I uh… well- why do you care?" I stammered.

"Because I really hope you haven't" he said. With that he swooped down and crushed his lips against mine. I was stunned. James Potter was kissing me! Lily Evans! James Potter was kissing _me_! I could feel his hands entwining themselves in my hair, pulling me closer to him. My hands reacted instinctively, reaching up to twine their way into his hair. His tongue brushed my bottom lip and my lips parted, allowing him access. Merlin, this was the most amazing kiss _ever_. It was sweet and soft, yet passionate. When we finally broke apart for air, he moved his hands to the side of my face.

"Lily, I love you. I have since first year and I always thought that I had no chance with you. You always seemed to hate me and it killed me. I couldn't bear the thought that I might never get a chance with you" he said, staring into my eyes and making me melt.

"James," I said, looking down at my feet. "I… I love you too. I couldn't ever give up on you. And all those times I was horrible to you were just because you made me so flustered and nervous that my brain just spit out whatever it could to get you to let me escape. I'm so sorry."

His hand cupped my chin, angling it up so that I was looking at him.

"I forgive you" was all he said before his lips came back to meet mine. His kiss was soft and sweet this time. His left hand snaked around my waist while his right rested against my cheek. I crossed my arms behind his neck and brought him closer to me. We broke apart and just stood there like that; my head tucked into his shoulder, his resting on top of mine.

"So, that song you were playing was pretty mournful. Does it have a happy ending?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Er, yea, it does," I said.

"Would you play it for me?" he asked.

I nodded and sat down, picking up my guitar.

_Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain,  
To warm my shoulders and relieve my pain.  
You're the one thing I was missing here.  
With you beside me I no longer fear._

I finished off with the chorus and looked up at James, who was simply staring at me.

"Er, what do you think?" I asked.

"I think that you are the most beautiful and talented and amazing girl on the planet and I'd be the luckiest man in the world if you were my girlfriend" he replied.

_Did James just ask me to be his girlfriend? This was officially the best day of my life!_

"Is that you asking me to be your girlfriend?" I asked him, blushing profusely.

"Only if you say yes. If you say no, of course, I'm planning on resigning to my dorm for the rest of the year and stuffing myself with chocolate frogs" he answered, looking up at me through his gorgeous lashes.

"Of course I'll be your girlfriend, you idiot! I thought you said you _read_ my journal??" I said, throwing my arms around him.

"Just making sure," he laughed. "Lily, you've just made me the happiest man on Earth. However can I repay you?"

"Oh I think I know how," I replied cheekily, pulling him back to me for another kiss.


End file.
